I failed my dog...

Last night my daughter and I took Letty and Walter to Petsmart to visit my son and get dog food. After entering the store I quickly realized I had no control over Miss. Letty, halti and all. I took her to the back of the store where it was quiet and proceeded to talk to her and get her to calm down a bit. This did not work. I was completely mortified on how she was acting. Letty was standing on her hind legs trying to talk to every person or dog in sight, she was knocking products off shelves, pulling with all her might, and basically acting like an asshole. Her trainer was witness to these actions and was shocked. I had a dog that was behaving like one of those terrible children we all avoid in  stores and think to ourselves "poor parents" or " why don't they just take that child home".  Yes I am that parent. My daughter and I hurried through the store and left without our normal visiting. By the time I arrived home I was defeated and mad.... Mad at myself.... When we adopted Letty she made me a better dog owner. I threw  myself and my family into making sure we did everything to help break the stereotype of her breed. We did training, socialization, and made sure to take her everywhere with us, and Letty thrived. Then late one night my other half saw a post in need of fosters and I jumped at the chance to help, especially because he was willing. This was such a wonderful experience, exhausting, but well worth it for we got Walter out of the whole thing. I fell in love with the big baby and convinced my husband to continue fostering him with the hidden agenda of making my husband love him too.... Not an easy task! Poor Walter has been sick since the night we took him in. He had uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting that made it difficult to take him places, so that meant Letty didn't get to go as often as she was used to. I still did our daily walks of 4-5 miles and took her to work, but she didn't get the socializing she was used to. Slowly Walter is getting better, he still has bouts of diarrhea and vomiting, but nothing like before. We still get up during the night, but thankfully it's not every night.... Like having a baby all over again. Now I had no problem keeping him home and comfortable. I realized last night that I failed my dog(s) due to my own hang ups and issues. I had no idea why I was feeling this overwhelming sadness and lack of desire to do anything... And then it dawned on me. Every spring for the last seven years I go into a funk, a sort of depression I guess. I took care of my dad for the last two years off his life and just when we thought we were over the worst, he was diagnosed with cancer and died within two days. No funeral, no goodbyes, no as they say...closure ... So this is a raw spot for me. This time of year brings up unresolved emotions and I don't even realize it's happening. I've always tended to be a bit of a recluse, I have no problem being by myself, but it gets to the point where I don't want to leave the house at all.... So after this big aha moment, I ran to tell my hubby.... And his response was that he already knew... That I do this every year... And did I know why?  I have an awesome husband.... A man that's always there for me...  Doesn't push me... Let's me feel what I'm feeling... And come to terms with it. Now I have no answers on how to make myself not feel what I'm feeling, but I read a post the other day on ig from @ohhellodog.... Where she talked about letting your dog lead the walk.... To slow down, smell a flower or two, and to just enjoy the moment. So this morning I got Letty and Walter ready for their walks, Walter with his gentle leader and Letty with her halti collar. I had a different mindset, I was going to let them be dogs, not hurry through the walk with the sole purpose of exercise... To enjoy it. What a difference. No Letty didn't magically stop pulling, but I know I'm not a pack leader, and really I'm ok with that.